Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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