just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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