don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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