craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
