Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
