I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
