take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
