dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
