Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
