that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
