That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
