dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
