anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
