it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
