I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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