Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
