He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
