The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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