Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
