i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
