Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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