i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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