I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
false alarm. still invincible.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
