I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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