whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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