ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
