i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
