Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
