My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Enjoy the penises
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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