At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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