I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All the doctor said was why
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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