do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
