I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We're too hungover to prance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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