Already got asked if we're dating
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drake has all the answers
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
