Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
a search helicopter?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
