i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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