she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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