i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
