I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
