the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
