Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
