Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
