Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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