Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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