I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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