Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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