I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
