This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
