The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
