Got a toothbrush?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
