You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
